Money making schemes.............

So, hello. Here I am again. I discovered this week that my part time job is on the rocks, I have to re-interview for it in a competitive process with all of the other people who are on the same level. Not to cause any undue irritation, the interviews will be the week before Christmas- very thoughtful oh dear employer. Foolishly (it seemed to me) the news was followed by an appraisal the next day....... So whilst wondering if I will have some regular income coming in I also had to take part in a 'lets pretend this isn't happening situation' conversation about how I see my future there. Sometimes people really have no common sense. For me, this is a part time J-O-B- and even they are like gold dust in these economic times, but for many of the other staff it is the most important valuable 'thing' they have. Suggesting that it may be taken from them could have come with more considerate timing.

This news brings, for me, a cloud of doom and gloom and a re-awakened desire to discover a money making scheme, so far I think I have only been partly successful in this quest. I am making some money doing nothing- it's legit do not worry, but I'd need to make 10x more to rely upon this as a sole income.

Back to the drawing board.

Sunday, day of rest

So, it's 3.30pm on a Sunday. I'm watching X-Factor on repeat, thinking of sewing buttons onto bags and also thinking about all of the managing change revision I should be doing. Work-avoidance you could say, but it is Sunday and sometimes we really do need to take a day of rest and ,well, I can't have tomorrow as my rest day cos that would mean pulling a sickie.

I have to admit to pulling a sickie now and again but more interesting excuses for not going to work have included 'I'm locked IN the house' or 'I can't lock my front door because the key is stuck'. Little fibs, I'm too grown up for such fibs now but the youth of today probably still have to come up with ridiculous little fibs to recover from the effects of drinking on a school night- I'm too old for that too.

I've never found a proper hangover cure, I don't think that there is one. Today's hangover could not face a cooked breakfast. I did have 1000mg of vitamin C at 6am this morning- I think this helps a hangover but it really hasn't given me any energy to do anything. I need to sleep but I'm just not a day dreamer.

Last night I ended up having £2.95 vodka trebles in a bar in Newcastle, followed by chips from Clayton Street Chippy. Not that I remember eating the chips. Trebles are bad. No stories to tell, no dancing, just chatting with friends and this has resulted in a wasted day.

I've been to the park with the dog, thrown some beef and veg into the slow cooker and this is lovely, relaxing but I wish I could fully relax without thinking of all of the things that I should be doing.

Apathy is hard to shake

So, in one week I turn 31............ Making me a ‘thirty something’. This time last year I was in panic; about all the things I felt that I should have done by now and the realisation that my 20’s were heading out of the door behind me. The door closed- that’s for sure, the wrinkle cream is out in full force. They say that age is just a number however in my mind turning 30 was an obstacle, I’d like to pretend that it made no difference, that it passed unnoticed but it didn’t. It was totally a mental struggle for me. In the last years of my twenties I:

·         Took some herbal happy pills as I thought I was losing it- I’d say I didn’t lose my marbles but I certainly misplaced them for a while

·         Walked out of a job- a job that was costing me marbles

·         I started a Business Degree- at the college I dropped out of 10 years ago

·         I also remembered how creative I used to be and started to play with a sewing machine I inherited from my Gran.

So, as 31 is around the corner, I’m still not in a place I intend to stay although in a cheesy way I feel like I started the journey to getting somewhere. I am more skint than I have ever been, but this is through the choices I’ve made and I have a special someone who inspires and supports me through this. I am employed part-time, a student part-time, and self employed part-time. A whole lot of part-time, taking up the whole time. I did regress at one point back to a 9-5 office situation; however the job was so dull I started to feel the mundane numbness looming over me and I realised that it was a change or go mad decision I had to make. I decided not to renew my contract to focus on trying to achieve something for myself. This was the second job I consciously left in two years. Doing this made me realise that I’d never really made any actual decisions for myself. All of the jobs I’ve had have always been ‘just for now’ and I’ve just muddled along, you could say I lack ambition- a lecturer once commented that my ‘apathy was a disease hard to shake off’. This comment has remained with me, not because it was such a personal negative but because it’s very true. Apathy as lack of enthusiasm and as emotional emptiness could describe me effectively, I guess it was true and I never did shake it off.

‘They’ say that if you put your mind to anything, you can achieve it; I’m a sceptic about this one because ‘they’ are always the people who succeeded. I’m sure that there are many more who tried their very best and failed?

Although I am a sceptic of this I am giving it a go. I will have finished my degree by this time next year, I don’t doubt that I will see this through- I’ve paid for three years of education myself so I will not quit. I have a small business making handmade bags, and although I don’t think that this is something I will continue for long I feel like it’s good practice to having another business of my own. I don’t want to be the voice on the end of the phone anymore, or the person who arranges someone else’s meetings. It’s just not me.